Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Dog Toys

At my house, we have NO DOG TOYS! This is a shocking thing to admit, but it is the truth, so that's why I am telling you about this sad state of affairs. We used to have dog toys, but now we don't have any, and here's why:

Barry kept tearing them up and eating them!

So it's all his fault. Or mostly his fault. Because the fact is that Gabe and I helped sometimes to tear up the dog toys. Even Mel did it once in a while, if there was any part of the toy left after the rest of us finished with it.

One time Mel swallowed a big chunk of a dog toy and it got stuck inside him. He started drinking lots of water and then puking it up again and he was acting like he felt really bad. Mom was worried because she thought she would have to take him to the expensive emergency clinic (because of course this was on a weekend) and pay a lot of money to have Mel cut open to get the piece of dog toy out. But then Mel puked up the thing that got stuck inside him, and we were all relieved and happy again.

Anyway, after that, Mom was really afraid that the same thing would happen to Barry because he was always eating pieces of dog toys and blankies and dog beds and stuff like that. So far, everything had come out in his poop, but someday something might get stuck, like what happened with Mel. And that's when we stopped having toys in the house.

We used to also get rawhide chewy things that were really nice, and also bully sticks. But now we don't get those either because we found out that Gabe and Barry were allergic to beef. And also Barry always chewed off big chunks of his bully stick, and Mom was afraid one of the chunks would get stuck inside Barry. So it's also Barry's fault that we don't get good chewies. All we have to chew on now is those Nylabone things. We have to get the "durable" kind because if we got the softer kind, we might chew off pieces and swallow them. I like to chew on the Nylabones, but they are not as good to chew on as rawhides are. We have some chewies that are shaped like dinosaurs and one that is like a wishbone and a whole bunch that are shaped like bones. They come in different flavors, but there is no rabbit flavor or squirrel flavor.

Anyway, here's the reason why dogs like soft toys. It's because they can be ripped apart and you can pull out all their guts, just like you would do with a rabbit or squirrel, if you caught one. But modern American dogs don't get to do much hunting, so they need toys because toys are the next best thing.

One time Gabe went hunting in our back yard and he caught a squirrel. Then Barry grabbed the squirrel, too, because he wanted to take it away from Gabe. But Gabe didn't let go of the squirrel, so they were pulling it apart, and it was screaming, like squirrels do in those situations. Anyway, Mom was standing at the back door, holding it open, because she was surprised and didn't know what to do. And while she was standing there, not knowing what to do, Barry got the squirrel away from Gabe and brought it inside the house.

We all went in the house and looked at the squirrel, and we could hear its heart beating really fast, but it wasn't moving much, so we didn't know what to do with it. Then Mom told Barry that he needed to finish killing the squirrel, but he did not understand that command, even though he graduated from intermediate obedience class. So Barry picked up the squirrel and carried it into the kitchen and put it on the rug in front of the sink. This was not what Mom had in mind for him to do, so she realized she had to do something with the squirrel herself. What she did was she picked up the rug with the squirrel in it and took it outside. But she was too soft-hearted to kill the squirrel. So she put it outside the gate where it could die in peace, which is what it did. And that's the story of how Gabe caught a squirrel and Barry stole it from him.

But getting back to dog toys. I just wish we had some, but we don't. Do you think I should report Mom for animal cruelty?


  1. Piper don't feel so bad. We have toys BUT they are soooooooo old. Momslave says some of them go back about 15years. She will buy some (cheap)once in awhile. But then do you know what Jenna does? If the toy has a squeaker in it, she will kill the toy and destuff it and take the squeaker out, and then walk off and leave it. Now what fun is that for me? She already ruined the toy that I can do longer play with!

  2. I know what you mean about toys not being any fun once the squeaker has been killed. At our house, Barry always gets to kill the squeaker. For a while, Mom was buying stuffed toys at the thrift store because they're much cheaper there but they don't have squeakers. Now we don't even get those cheap toys.